


The Doctor Loves an Ear Cuff and Dirk Sees an Old Friend

by cosmicocean



Series: Social Distancing Oneshots [1]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, implied enough that you should know it going into the fic but not implied enough to go into the tag, implied future brotzly, the doctor and dirk are best bros and i love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23218558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicocean/pseuds/cosmicocean
Summary: Todd is ultimately not that surprised when he, Dirk, and Farah are walking down the street and Dirk sees someone walking on the opposite sidewalk, screams, and starts jumping up and down and waving. He is surprised, though, when that stranger starts jumping up and down and waving and screaming back. Usually if Dirk attracts someone’s attention, they stare at him like a crazy person, unless he asks if they’ve experienced accelerated strangeness or maybe their goat has gone missing, or maybe if they’re gained a goat, and then they’re usually a surprise client.Dirk and the Doctor excitably run into each other on the street.
Relationships: Todd Brotzman & Dirk Gently
Series: Social Distancing Oneshots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1669312
Comments: 14
Kudos: 185





	The Doctor Loves an Ear Cuff and Dirk Sees an Old Friend

Todd’s learned to get used to lots of things being friends with Dirk, but he’s come to assume there’s some form of nonsensical pattern to it. Some weird shit will happen, and then some weird shit will follow. He’s gotten pretty good at understanding the level of weirdness, too. They’ll be minding their own business, and suddenly a dog will come into the office and ask them if they have the time, on account of the fact they’re a dog, and don’t have a watch. That kind of weird shit.

Some weirdness, of course, just comes from Dirk, and his way of being. That’s usually vaguely predictable too, though. Dirk will tell them strange things that probably aren’t true, or he’ll only eat sandwiches cut into thirds on Tuesdays. It’s just the kinda thing you get used to.

It’s why Todd is ultimately not that surprised when he, Dirk, and Farah are walking down the street and Dirk sees someone walking on the opposite sidewalk, screams, and starts jumping up and down and waving. He _is_ surprised, though, when that stranger starts jumping up and down and waving and screaming back. Usually if Dirk attracts someone’s attention, they stare at him like a crazy person, unless he asks if they’ve experienced accelerated strangeness or maybe their goat has gone missing, or maybe if they’re _gained_ a goat, and then they’re usually a surprise client.

This person doesn’t seem like a client, though. This person is waving her arms wildly and dashing across the street as several cars honk at her, three people trailing behind her looking suitably embarrassed and awkward as they wave at the cars apologetically. She collides with Dirk in a hug.

“Oh, you’re huggy this time!” Dirk says cheerfully, leaning back a bit with the force of the hug. “Look at that!”

“Sorry, is that alright?” The woman pulls back, beaming. She’s English, Todd can tell that much. She’s got short blond hair, a long grayish silver coat, a blue shirt with stripes on it, and mustard yellow suspenders holding up blue pants. It is, admittedly, a lot less ridiculous outfit than Todd would’ve anticipated from someone that Dirk might be friends with. He realizes this reflects on him, too, and looks down at his own outfit in concern. “You _are_ huggy, aren’t you? I feel like I remember being annoyed about that a few times before.”

“Yes, very much so!” He beams back. “Look at you! Love the ear cuff.”

“Thank you!” She flicks it. “You should get one. Love an ear cuff. I think I might’ve invented them on a few planets. Hey, how d’you think you always recognize me on sight, no matter the, y’know-“ she gestures down herself.

“Oh, you know.” He wibbles a hand back and forth. “This is a new one, isn’t it?”

“Oh, yeah. Gender, you know how it is.” It’s her turn to wibble a hand back and forth. “Bit of a shot in the dark at the best of times. I like this one, though! Hair’s a nice color. Haven’t been blond since, oh, eight go rounds back or so? Not sure.”

Dirk nods sympathetically. “Math.”

She smiles at Todd and Farah. “Hullo, Todd, Farah, lovely to see you, as always.”

The three behind her wave and there’s a choruses of “hellos” and “alright, then?”.

“Hi…..?” Todd says uncertainly. Farah says nothing, but she squints at all of them in the way she does when she’s not sure what’s going on, and is assessing the situation to determine whether or not the situation calls for trouble.

Dirk perks up. “Oh, do we see you a few times this go round? That’s nice, you never know with you.”

The woman looks at Dirk. Then she looks at Farah. Then she looks back at Dirk. Then at Todd. Then, bizarrely, at Dirk’s hand resting at his side, and then _Todd’s_ hand resting at his side, and then the distance between them.

“Ah,” she says, eyes flicking up to Dirk. “Sorry. Timelines. Never know how it’s going to be. Are we meeting, then, am I doing introductions?” She wheels on Todd and Farah. “This is Graham, Ryan, and Yaz, I’m-“

“The Doctor,” Farah cuts in.

Todd stares. Dirk stares. The woman, who must be the Doctor, stares.

“Hi,” she says. “Sorry. Have I met you before? I don’t _remember_ meeting you before I met you all at once, but-“

Farah shifts a little under the scrutiny, but lifts her chin. “The CIA, FBI, and MI6 all have lengthy files on the Doctor that I’ve been able to gain some access to.” She gives her a vaguely defiant look. “If we’re starting to deal with weird shit, I should be able to research weird shit.”

The Doctor does not look at all fazed. In fact, she looks thrilled. “Farah Black! You get more brilliant every time I see you, do I not say she’s brilliant, guys-“ she turns back to Graham, Ryan, and Yaz. “Don’t I talk about how brilliant Farah is?”

“Don’t think not meeting me yet’s gonna get you out of that four quid you owe me, mate,” Graham says, pointing at Todd. Ryan reaches out and gives him a light thwack on the arm. “What? He never paid me back, fair’s fair.”

“I don’t know what a quid is,” Todd says, nonplussed by this whole situation. “Sorry, are you time travelers? As a… habit?”

“To be fair.” Dirk turns to him. “ _We’re_ time travelers, Todd.”

“Yeah, but that was like… a one time thing. Past tense.”

“Ah,” the Doctor says. “Don’t expect that to last.”

“Oi.” Yaz walks up to her and giving her a sharp poke. “Aren’t you the one always going on about meddling-“

“ _Ow_ , no, listen, it’s fine, s’not _that_ much, and Dirk’s used to it anyhow-“

Dirk nods. “It’s true. She’s _very_ bad at keeping a secret. Do we time travel to anyplace _interesting?_ ”

The Doctor opens her mouth.

“Hey,” Ryan says.

“Better not, Doc,” Graham adds.

Yaz just gives her a poke again.

“Fuck,” Todd says, feeling a little out of depth. “So we’re gonna-“

“Oh, they let you say that one?” The Doctor looks disappointed. “I _always_ want to say that one, but then these three yell at me if I ever get close.”

“S’weird,” Ryan says. “It’s like your nan swearing.”

Graham snorts. “Your nan swore fairly regularly, son, and more than once round you, if I recall.”

“Like _someone’s_ nan swearing,” Ryan amends.

“What, nine hundred someodd years and I’ve never sworn before? I _invented_ swearing on some planets, I’ll have you know.”

Yaz rolls her eyes. “You’re _always_ saying you invented things on other planets and I think most of the time you’re taking the piss.”

“Nine hundred years of _what?_ ” Farah asks, looking distinctly unnerved.

“Oh, did you have a birthday I missed?” Dirk asks. “I mean, I assume I’ve missed quite a few, but still, I’ll have to get you something. Do you like jars with little bits of string in them? I’ve been collecting them.”

“Please,” Todd says, distracted from the fact they may have a thousand year old woman in their presence by the possibility of finally getting rid of the string jar. “ _God_ , take the string jar, he’ll just be shoving pieces of string in it in front of clients and it’s decreasing our credibility.”

“I _love_ little bits of string,” the Doctor says fervently, and Todd can 100% believe her. “Hang on, though.” She leans in. “Are you guys solving a _mystery?_ ”

Dirk leans in, looking intrigued. “Not yet,” he says conspiratorially. “But that’s how life goes, isn’t it, one minute you’re not solving a mystery and the next you are. Why, are _you_ solving a mystery?”

“I dunno, but we’ve got to be here for a reason.” She straightens, beaming. “Come on! Let’s wander around and see what happens to us, eh, if the two of us are in the same place at the time something odd’s _bound_ to happen. Maybe we can get you an ear cuff along the way.”

“ _Oustanding_ idea.” Dirk pats her arm affectionately. Todd feels vaguely jealous, until it occurs to him that’s a stupid thing to be, and attempts to quash the feeling. “You’re so _friendly_ this time.”

“Careful letting the Doc pick anything out for buying,” Graham tells him. “She’s never got a wallet on her.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I am _extremely_ familiar with the Doctor’s propensity to travel like some outer space inner time hobo.”

The Doctor pulls a face. “Not _extremely_ nice but accurate.” She gestures. “Come on, fam! Dirk’s fam!”

“I _know_ we vetoed fam,” Ryan mutters.

“Yeah, I don’t like that, either,” Farah agrees.

“You never do!” She cheerfully leads the charge with Dirk, and the rest of them follow, because apparently this is their morning now. Todd sees her lean into him and whisper what she probably thinks is quietly. “He’s _very_ nice, you know. I approve.”

Dirk, from what Todd can see, goes a little red. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he hisses back, a little tartly.

“Oof, you’re never any fun when you get all shirty. Say, do you have a fun hat? I’ve been thinking about giving hats a go again, although it _will_ disguise the ear cuff, so maybe we’ll have to see.”

**Author's Note:**

> It's been probably seven or eight years since I wrote DW fic. I enjoyed it immensely.
> 
> This was a prompt from dont-offend-the-bees on tumblr! I'm taking prompts right now to try and keep busy during social distancing. I don't usually do Doctor Who fic, but I made an exception on this one. [Come find my fandoms and guidelines for prompts here!](https://cosmicoceanfic.tumblr.com/post/612622816132628480/give-me-prompts)
> 
> [Every once in a while one of my fics gets a bunch of comments in a cluster from different users, and I’m pretty sure at this point it’s because it’s been recced. Which is exciting! But I’d love to see it when it happens, so here’s a link to my tumblr! Feel free to tag me!](https://cosmicoceanfic.tumblr.com/)


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